


Just because it's big, doesn't mean it'll feel good

by madswithhands



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, I was in a mood and wanted to bully him, Sticky Sexual Interfacing (Transformers), This is just 680 words of me writing on how Tarn is bad at sex, do not take this seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:26:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29223924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madswithhands/pseuds/madswithhands
Summary: As Tarn let out a puff of steam, optics closed and claws tore into the new silk sheets you had just bought as he overloaded; you thought of 10 different ways just to strangle him with your thighs.Mostly because of the sheets, mind you. You were used to not having your wires fried when you were bedded by the purple freak.
Relationships: Tarn/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Just because it's big, doesn't mean it'll feel good

**Author's Note:**

> I was in a mood, and Tarn cannot fuck. He can't. It doesn't end well for included parties. They always have to finish themselves off in the end in the showers.

As Tarn let out a puff of steam, optics closed and claws tore into the new silk sheets you had just bought as he overloaded; you thought of 10 different ways just to strangle him with your thighs.

Mostly because of the sheets, mind you. You were used to not having your wires fried when you were bedded by the purple freak.

Tarn was a, what did the blood-bags call it? A one-pump chump. And even if his spike was (surprisingly) proportionate to his size, he came undone in kliks (5, to be precise, but who was counting?).  
Sighing, you wondered why you even bothered coming to his berth at all when the Peaceful Tyranny, docked on the Nemesis.

Then after Tarn flops onto his side, and you get up to make a face at the mess he left behind, and to get a cygarret from your subspace, you remember.  
Right...Starscream had some blackmail on you and wanted to keep this purple 'wonder' away from Megatron until the seeker was done with him.

It wasn't even good blackmail. It was just 3 hours of you singing WAP under your breath as you went over security videos. And maybe slacking off a bit and other things, but that was hardly bad.  
Skywarp did worse, but Skywarp was also incorrigible. You, however, were not. And were the closest one nearby when Starscream walked into the rec room looking for someone to blackmail. 

You were just lucky you didn't have to entertain all of the DJD. Then you would have told Starscream where to shove it.  
And then you probably would have ended up in the medbay, but at least you wouldn't be dissatisfied and a bit grossed out with yourself for not putting up much of a fight.

Then you wouldn't have the knowledge that Tarn apparently had the hots for you. And that you suddenly wished Trepan was still alive so that he could (hopefully) erase that knowledge and you could remain ignorant.  
But it did explain why Tarn had been easily seduced.  
That, and you were pretty sure he didn't frag his team. Maybe? Maybe.

Still, as you lit and took a drag from your cygarret, you winced as you felt claws play with your hip plating. 

"Was that good for you, pet~" Tarn huskily inquired, red optics peering at you.  
Tilting your helm back to him, you internally cursed Starscream to the Pits, and put on your best flirtatious smirk.  
"Better. You're very good with your servos~" you reply, wanting nothing more to gag on your own words.  
Tarn seemed pleased with your words, claws digging into hip seems. 

Urgh, you just wanted to leave and wash off this cycle. Maybe watch a horror movie or something with Soundwaves' cassettes.  
Or do some paperwork.

Primus, paperwork sounded so fragging good right now. Anything to not be here at this very moment.

Just as you finished up your cygarret, you hold in a flinch and lean back into Tarns' touch as he got up from his side and started to draw you back to him.  
Oh no. Oh hell no.  
Giving a sultry laugh, you lean back to pepper the side of Tarn's neck with a few chaste kisses.

"As much as I'd love for you to ravish me from here to Cybertron." You mumble, feeling Tarn shudder behind you. "I'm afraid I have a meeting to get too in a joor, and we both don't want me anything less than perfect; now do we?" 

Tarn let out a sigh, nodding as he let you go without a fight.

"And I do need to report to Lord Megatron." He sighed, possibly looking at his internal chronometer.

But you were off of the berth and at the door in an exvent, quickly blowing Tarn a kiss as you all but fled.

Tarn sighed almost dreamily. Perhaps next time, he could give you a more thorough goodbye.

You, on the other servo, were quickly making your way to the nearest washracks to clean you of your sins and maybe jerk it.


End file.
